2 comments


  • B

    I am a 4w5 dating a 2w1. We both are in the heart triad, and our feelings fluctuate easily. We both can be hot and cold. I have a strong 5 wing where I am almost exactly like a 5, with-holding, withdrawn, cynical, and observant. His 1 wing s strong as well, he can be very critical, perfectionist, judgemental, and self-critical. But in the end I am a romantic and he is a helper. I dont know if we can work anymore. I am at the end of my ropes. We are not communicating well as I am afraid to ask for what I want, I push/pull, I withdraw for attention, my feelings erupt but I withhold them, I hate yet long for him.

    He has a strong 1 wing and he is so respectful of my boundaries I dont know if he wants me. He wants to earn my attention, but I never seek him out. I want him to seek me but he….doesnt. His feelings fluctuate, he frequently feels unappreciated and unloved by me, which is wrong, I care about him so much. I know that when he gets mad at me, he doesnt voice it to me but run off to engage with others to feel loved. I feel so hurt by this, but I say nothing. He doesnt talk to me much. When I turn down his date (because I am busy or I feel like I want space), he scoffs it off but I know he is deeply hurt. He hides his insecurities behind his clownish jokes and smiles. But he is very sensitive.

    Help? How can we communicate to one another ? I am a very introverted, withdrawn person and he isnt, but he is very self-controlling. Can we work? Should I leave even though I care about him? Why doesnt he tell me how he feels? Will I scare him with the intensity of feeling, my pain and sorrow? I have no clue.

    I think any types can work, but I am not sure I can work with this 2 anymore. I am hopeless. I dont know what to anymore.

    January 15, 2013
    • When you say, “We are not communicating well as I am afraid to ask for what I want, I push/pull, I withdraw for attention, my feelings erupt but I withhold them, I hate yet long for him,” are you working with these patterns? Start in a simple way. Ask for what you want in an inviting way, rather than try to get him to come toward you. Express your feelings before you erupt. These patterns will be detrimental to any relationship, not just your Type 2 relationship.

      You don’t have to be the “introverted withdrawn” person you describe. This is always a choice. Instead of being run by your patterns, take control. “I am” is the personality/your coping strategy, not you!

      See what happens when you start to shift your own patterns. Worry less about his reaction and more about expressing your authentic self … regardless about what happens, you will be a healthier, more content “you.” I wish you well.

      January 18, 2013

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