Misunderstood: Type 4-The Individualist

Great blog Wendy! The other thing about 4s I have discovered is that many of them (all of the ones I know) are extremely ambitious and far more “action-oriented” than much of the literature on 4s suggests. Even when impacted by substance abuse or alcohol….they still manage to be very productive. They are also more disciplined than many tend to think….the arrow to type 1, where they can be very forceful and even aggressive in demanding perfection. A close type 4 friend for decades has just published his third book, written hundreds of articles and become a leading expert in his field. This kind of “self-pitying, self-indulgent, chronically negative” stereotype is not wholly true. (maybe at Level 5 on down, more so).

Hello Wendy, thanks for debunking a bunch of myths that surrounds enneagram type descriptions. I was really pleased to see you article since I am currently writing down pages on my own site (in french) where I more or less do the same…

For the record, my wife is a 4, she is a psychologist, I am an 8, and I am a life-coach and an enneagram/NLP/Hypnosis teacher.

First of all, I think that we should all remember that the enneagram talks about unconscious motivations not about behaviours. Thanks a lot for reminding this, since many people tend to forget that corner stone…

Well, here is an excerpt of what I wrote about Type 4,roughly translated into english :

About 4 being “Artists”

“People of Enneatype Four construct their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow unique and fundamentally different from others. This deep felt sense of being “different from” or “other than” pervades the Four’s sense of self.

About “Envy”:
Fours often idealize qualities they find in others and then come to envy those same qualities.The envy that Fours experience is a fundamental manifestation of the Four’s feeling of defectiveness and tends to be a recurring problem for type Four individuals until such time as they have learned self-acceptance. Often enough, the envy that Fours experience actually manifests as a longing…a sort of wistful desire that they too be capable of the simpler sorts of happiness that others seem so readily able to achieve.

When unbalanced, the Four’s envy can take a nasty turn as unhealthy Fours tend to project their self-loathing outward. At such times, the previously sensitive Four can become spiteful and vindictive, feeling justified in being so because they have been misunderstood, and because they have suffered so terribly.

Fours know how to wound with words, and, when they are unbalanced, they feel incapable of restraining themselves. They tend to lash out at the very ones who have been most supportive and who might be trying to help them. If this causes the Four’s intimates to withdraw, the Four’s abandonment issues are likely to be triggered, resulting in a frantic attempt to re-ignite the relationship. This can become a recurring pattern in the life of an unhealthy Four.

This will sound kind of silly, but as a recently-”diagnosed” type 4, I found myself slightly depressed by the realization that I fit within the stereotypical idea of what 4s are (had a very woe-is-me kind of day… no surprises there!).

Anyway, it’s really very nice to get a broader view of things are realize no one type is “bad” or “doomed”, so to speak. As Nicolas said, “the enneagram talks about unconscious motivations not about behaviours.” It gives me hope in being the best kind of 4 I can be!

Hi Wendy:
In high school, we were all required to take the Enneagram test. I found out early on that I was a type 4. Just like you said here, I always thought that type 4 implied some kind of depressive, artistic fervor. I very much enjoyed how in this post, you get to the root of type 4s motivations rather than describing the “typical type 4.”

Hi Wendy, Any advice for helping a Type 4 wife who has gone from an average four to an unhealthy four? I am a 9, we have been together for 18 years, but she recently has expressed her “long buried feelings” and wants out. I can see her suffering but she will not receive any support or encouragement.

Hi Wendy, I really enjoyed your post. I read some of the “typical comments a 4 may say”, and I can relate! I had a question about relationships. I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a great guy(type 2). I tend to wonder of there is more out there,or someone that I would connect better with. I know a lot of those feelings come from the fact that I’m a 4. How do I know what part of my feelings are “me being a 4″ and what part is that we really aren’t a good match?
Thanks!

Hi!

I am a type 4 and I can totally relate to what you are writing.

I think the reason why 4′s don’t relate to ‘envy’ is that we often think of the ‘material’ side (envy of someone’s house, car) which I think many of us 4′s are less concerned about. As you explained, it’s easier to discern this envy in personality matters. E.g. I could definitely wish that I had some traits more useful in a workplace than my ‘novelist skills’, so I could get a job instead of dreaming of becoming the next Kafka.

The problem for some of us romantics/individualists is to persuade an employer to hire someone who is the exact opposite of the traits in job seeking guides: shy, slow learner, bad at numbers, zero leadership qualities, terrible at organizing, terrible at selling (including ourselves, because it goes against our very core value in life of being authentic).

So, although I suppose am happy to share the same INFP personality type (Myer Briggs) as Shakespeare, since my chances of becoming one is less than one in a zillion, I can’t help but wishing that I had some ‘hard core’ work skill that could give me an income.