You are NOT Your Role

Kent (Type 1 Perfectionist) was focused on putting some order to, and structure around our project as we ended our team meeting. Happy that we had someone who had a natural ability to take stuff and structure it, I commented, “Every team needs a Type 1.”

Kent reminded me that in my book I write that the Enneagram journey involves letting go of the roles we play, and in his case that meant he didn’t want to continue to be known as a perfectionist and take responsibility for being the one to put things in order. In jest, I told Kent to stop reading my book.

I’m writing about this episode because it’s important to remember not to confuse dropping your role with expressing your gift. 

What do I mean by this?

NOT because you believe it’s expected of you.

NOT because you believe you’ll lose relationships if you don’t follow through on the unspoken expectations people may have of you.

As long as it’s something that you enjoy and it’s a conscious choice, then continue doing it, because it’s one of your gifts.

Photo by Wendy Appel

Remember, the roles we play are not who we are at essence. We often over-identify with our roles and think that’s who we are, yet we are far greater than the roles we play.

Don’t confuse your need to be the responsible, organized, orderly, structured, perfect one with the joyful expression of your gift.

When you let go of who you think you are (or aren’t), you open up the possibility of who you can become.