Subtle and Not So Subtle Criticism

Marissa Mayer, newly appointed CEO of Yahoo,  announced she was pregnant just after her appointment. Could she take on the turnaround of Yahoo and be a "good mom?" Would one or both suffer? Would she really want to return to work just after the birth? And on ... Endless speculation by the media.These questions were widely discussed and debated in the social media as well, via blogs, Twitter, Linkedin discussions, Facebook, etc. Marissa was just listed in Forbes Magazine as among "The Most Fascinating Women of 2012."The announcement about her pregnancy stirred up sentiments about the implications for her ability to right the Yahoo ship and be a first-time mom, all at the same time. Women weighed in heavily.Last week, I watched CNN International broadcast an interview with Marissa, and she impressed me. The CNN international newscasters had some repartee after airing the interview. The female newscaster's comment was something to the effect of, "You could tell her analogy to Vince Lombardi was rehearsed."Is that all she could say about this young woman who has taken on a huge turnaround responsibility, is under the glare of the spot light and tremendous pressure while bringing a new child into the world? It was petty.These are subtle/not so subtle ways that women undermine each other. Would she have made the same comment about a man? Where was the awe? This young woman has demonstrated tremendous courage by taking on such a huge responsibility and challenge, while knowing she would be under the microscope and have to endure endless criticism, second-guessing, critique and commentary about her every move.Interestingly, the male newscaster who reported the story came to Melissa's defense and said something like, "Of course, at her level she will have had these lines rehearsed." And he was right.I am all for critiquing, but just to find something to pick at and criticize smacks of undermining. Until this point, I had enjoyed this particular newscaster. In her defense, some of this stuff is so insidious, we don't realize we are doing it. But we are.Women's leadership means giving a hand up, mentoring, supporting, building up ... not tearing down. How are we going to make it, break the glass ceiling and help bring our world back into balance without caring about and for one another?There are a ton of women's organizations, Linkedin groups, radio shows, TV shows, etc., who purport to all about women, yet I see some of the same undermining going on in many of these groups as well.Perhaps first, we have to accept that this is our human condition. Maybe it's some kind of human survival urge. We need to be aware of our tendency to compete in some subtle and not so subtle ways. Then, we must commit to transcend it. Our survival, in fact is going to count on all of us pulling together, not tearing each other down.  With awareness, we have the possibility to alter the way we act and interact ... to gently lean into our very human tendencies rather then play them out. And evolve.I offer this as a possibility for hope:The next time you see one of your friends or colleagues doing well, succeeding against the odds, just sprouting new courage--find ways to support them.  Tell them how amazed you are by their strength and courage. Tell them how you see them, in the best possible light. It will put fuel in their tank to carry on ... and you know what? It will make you feel really good too.